Listen up, Seattle

It’s been about 9 months since I transplanted my entire life from Albany, NY to Redmond, WA. 
Try and guess which characteristic of the Seattle area has made the strongest impression.  Is it the scenery?  The weather?  The housing costs?
Oh no, none of those.  It’s the fact that no one in Washington knows how to drive.

Now whining about this isn’t really going to make things better.  So instead, I’m going to post some guidelines that I think every Seattle area driver should really take to heart.

• Somewhere on your steering wheel, usually on the left-hand side, you’ll find a lever.  Moving this lever up or down will enable something called a “turn signal” or an “indicator.”  But those are really just fancy words for “flashy light on the side of your car.”  If you push up, the light on the right hand side will blink.  If you push down, the left one will.
• Using the “signal” mentioned above, you can actually tell other drivers what you’re thinking.  Like, “Hey, that’s my exit coming up.  I really need to get to that lane over there.”
• If you’re thinking, “Brandon, I know what turn signal is.  But why would I use it if I don’t see anybody in that lane?”  The answer here is quite simple:  Your use of the turn signal will provide extremely valuable information to the person you didn’t see.
• You turn signal doesn’t do any good if you only use it after you’re already halfway into your destination lane.
• If you see another car with a blinking light on the side of it, that does not mean you should:
       A)  Dash from behind him, into the lane he’s trying to get into. 
       B)  Close the gap that you left while you were accidentally not tailgating the person in front of you, because the worst thing you could possibly do would be to permit someone else to get where they’re going, you asshole.

Study hard, because next week there will be quiz!